RIGHTEOUS-RIGHT

Help one another in righteousness and pity; but do not help one another in sin and rancor (Q.5:2). The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. (Edmond Burke). Oh! What a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive! (Walter Scott, Marmion VI). If you are not part of the solution …. Then you are part of the problem. War leaves no victors, only victims. … Mankind must remember that peace is not God's gift to his creatures; it is our gift to each other.– Elie Wiesel, Nobel Peace Prize Acceptance Speech, 1986.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

PAKISTAN: TODAY AND TOMORROW


 Preliminary
No doubt, Pakistan is passing through chronic instability to its internal contradictions and regional geopolitical factors.  “The survival of Pakistan as a state today does not depend on vested interests or the armed forces.  Only a thorough social transformation by rule of law and the institutionalization of democracy, together with the disbandment of the mercenary army, could offer Pakistan a guaranteed future.”[1]

Pakistan's history does offer plenty of examples of leaders inviting disaster by making fundamentally wrong choices.  Consequently more extreme scenarios like civil war, the triumph of Islamist radicalism, inviting and sharing military muscle, the return of authoritarian regime, can never be ruled out. In the worst case, Pakistan would simply come apart, spewing nuclear technology and terrorists in all directions. What can be done to prevent such a disastrous outcome? How can the idea of Pakistan be made to work? A number of key reforms are necessary.
First, rulers must be forced to take seriously an enlightened approach to internal and external issues.  Pakistan has to seek accommodation with India, soften its stance on Kashmir and now on Afghanistan, crack down on Islamist terrorism at home, and begin to negotiate the revision of blasphemy and anti-woman laws and seek to implement one justice system of the country with the exclusion of Shari’a Court.  The issue of Kashmir should not take precedence over the national interests and benefits that Pakistan can have with good relations with India.  According Najam Sethi, the editor of an influential Lahore weekly remarks, "the momentum of change is too slow and awkward and unsure to constitute a critical and irreversible mass."  Sethi emphasizes two especially critical areas in which the lawmakers must do more: packing up the jihadists, which means accepting that they are not the solution to the Kashmir issue, and reducing the influence of Islamist parties by facilitating the rise of moderate mainstream parties in local, provincial and federal elections.

Since independence in 1947 Pakistan has cycled between civilian and military regimes of an almost predictable duration with an almost predictable frequency. The country has experienced now for the first time in 66 years a peaceful and democratic transition of power from one civilian govt. to another in 2013. Anyhow history is not destiny.  Things can go differently from state to state and country to country. Political and social phenomena cannot be predicted as firmly as a scientific phenomenon of physics and chemistry in a scientific lab. Self-defense is innate in every human and living being, so it is with a nation and a country.  Like many other states, Pakistan too might take a future path quite different from those appearing in local and western media.  After all, today’s Pakistan is much more better than its founding period. A glimpse into this precarious period will follow in the coming paragraph.

Attempts were made at the very creation of Pakistan to nip it in bud. At the time of partition, British India had a cash balance of Rs.4 Arab (Rs.4 Billion).  After a long fight and discussions it was decided to give Pakistan share of Rs.75 Crore (Rs. 750 million).  India stopped its hand after paying the first installment of Rs.20 crore (Rs.200 million).  This was the only cash when Pakistan came into existence on 14th Aug. 1947.  From the very first day of Pakistan formation, Bharat followed a course of non-cooperation to make the state a failure.  When Gandhiji forced the Bharat government by his Meren-bert (fasting till deah) on 15th Jan. 1948, to pay the full share, only then Pakistan became able to get its remaining share of cash.[2]
One-third of military hardware of British India was agreed by all concerned to give to Pakistan. All the military depots and the seventeen Ordnance factories were located in Bharat territory. When the then supreme commander of British India tried to hand over the Pakistan’s share, Bharat raised a great opposition to this proposal and denied that Pakistan had any share in military hardware. The British Supreme Commander had to resign and Pakistan could not get its share of military hardware until today.[3]

Why the Pakistan army was never tamed by civilian rule points back to the internal and external alarming conditions just at the birth of Pakistan. At the outset Pakistan was in disarray situation, beset by multi-dimensional issues of refugee-influx from India, an empty treasury, scarcity of manpower to run governments in center and provinces, hostile attitude of India and Russia,  security alert and skirmishes in the state of Kashmir.  Civilian system was never regarded by Pakistan's citizens as just, appropriate, or authoritative.  A sick, paralyzed and lunatic, wheel-chaired Ghulam Mohammad, who could neither walk by himself, eat by himself and talk by himself in intelligable language without help of his secretary, a beautiful American-Swiss girl, was made the third  governor-general of Pakistan in Oct. 1951. This was the first great conspiracy at the very outset of Pakistan. It was followed  by another conspiracy by assassinating Liaquat Ali Khan, the first prime minister of Pakistan in Rawalpindi in the same month of  Oct. 1951. No constitution of the country came in existence until 1956 and that too was abrogated in 1958.

Lacking any clear road-map of direction, the state quickly aligned with the powerful landed class: the army leadership and the economic elite, who joined forces to claim authority in a nation without cohesion. In subsequent years, the government maintained the feudal structure of society and entered into a manifestly exploitative relationship with Pakistan's poor eastern wing (which became Bangladesh in 1971 after a short but bloody war). Even now, bonded labor is common in almost all the four remaining provinces, and many peasants live in conditions close to slavery. Politicians and lawmakers made no attempt at reform, ignoring the hearts and minds of the masses in favor of emerging bureaucrats, feudal lords and military janta pursuing quick power and financial gains.

Pakistan’s uncertain future is a widely shared cause of concern ever since it’s founding as an independent state.  While accepting the partition plan on June 15, 1947, the Indian National Congress maintained that “when present passions have subsided, India’s problems will be viewed in their proper perspective and the false doctrine of two nations in India will be discredited and discarded by all.”[4]  Sardar Patel (one of the top leaders of the Congress Party of India) was convinced that “the new state of Pakistan was not viable and could not last. . . . Pakistan would collapse in a short time.”[5]

The current generations do not have any conception of the founding period.  The founding period of Pakistan presents a bleak picture.  Soon after the death of Quaid-e-Azam in 1948, and assassination of Liaquat Ali Khan, in Oct.1951, Pakistan was played as a ping-pong ball in the hands of civil and military players.  The ping pong game, that started from 1951, continued till August 2008, when Gen. Musharraf  resigned and departed.  The players included Chaudhary Ghulam Mohammed,  Retd. Maj.Gen. Iskander Mirza, Gneral Ayub Khan,  Gen. Yahya Khan, I.I. Chundrigar,   Sir Feroz Khan NoonNurul Amin,   Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, General Zia-ul Haq, Ghulam Ishaq Khan, Benazir Bhutto, Nawaz Sharif,  and General Pervez Musharraf.  The players, divided in two groups, played the game some time to win the parliamentary democracy and some time to win for the Martial law.  In less than two years, Iskander Mirza had dismissed four elected prime ministers, and was increasingly in great pressure for calling for new elections in 1958.

 Compare the situation now in 2013, after peaceful and democratic transfer of power after five years of PPP government to PML(N) government.  This is Nawaz Sharif’s third term of premiership, the two being, Nov. 1990 to July 1993 and from Feb. 1997 to Oct. 1999.  Where we stand today after a lapse of 66 years of Pakistan’s topsi-turvi past is certainly not upto satisfaction.  Every new regime starts with good promises and good hopes, but all hopes and promises are shattered with passing time.  Pakistan is having the same faces of lawmakers in both the houses since the 1990’s. 

The real test of Sharif’s allegiance to democratic norms will not just be how he handles the military, but how he deals with his opponents in the PPP, the PTI, the MQM, the Baloch nationalists and the religious fundamentalist’s parties. How he deals with the media will be another test. After all, his last government is known for trying to muzzle criticism, intimidate journalists, and widespread corruption.  Sharif’s biggest challenges are likely to be closer to home— fixing the shattered economy, ending an appalling energy crisis, coping with poverty, tackling the home-grown Taliban insurgency, nationalist insurgency in Baluchistan, and, above all, international and domestic terrorism, including the ongoing pogroms against Pakistan’s Shia and other minorities by Sunni militant groups. The state is beset by ethnic tensions, sectarian violence, and deep divisions over the role of Islam in society.

Sharif’s past has not been a clean slate.  As Chief Minister Punjab, 1985 – 1990, Nawaz Sharif presided over the liquidation/ privatization of several units of Punjab Industrial and Development Board (PIDB).  How and on what prices these units were sold is still a secret but according to Company Review in the daily DAWN in May 1991, Pasrur Sugar Mills was sold to United Sugar Mills of United group for a “token price of Rupee one only".  Samundri Sugar Mills was sold to Monoos and Rahwali Sugar to a Muslim League politician Sheikh Mansoor. The recklessness and favoritism shown in privatization of the PIDB units by Chief Minister Nawaz Sharif was the hallmark of his privatization.[6]

Corruption in privatization under Benazir and Nawaz Sharif governments during 1990-99 has made legends. Volumes can be written about corruption in their privatization simply by compiling the charges that they have traded with each other. It would appear that not a single deal of privatization during the referenced nine years has been free from corruption. Yet the full story of corruption in privatization has not been told.[7]  When Nawaz was dismissed in April 18,1993, the Dissolution Order listed "the lack of transparency in the process of privatization and in the disposal of public/govt. properties" as one of the grounds for his dismissal.[8]

Sharif was accused of evading federal tax on the purchase of a helicopter worth U.S. $1 million. He failed to cite any substantial evidence to the Court of his innocence. The Lahore High Court ordered Sharif to pay a fine of US $400,000 on grounds of tax evasion in 1999, and was sentenced to 14 years of imprisonment.[9]  I remember, my family members and me lost our sizeable amount of dollars from our dollar accounts in Pakistan when Nawaz Sharif  seized all dollar accounts within Pakistan during one of his premierships.

Now in 2013, the real test will start when Sharif will be dealing with the day-to-day affairs of the government.  It is not the same Pakistan Sharif had left behind in 1999. Today’s Pakistan is equipped with a vibrant media which is not ready to comprise its freedom even with a military dictator. We can hope better, but the topsy-turvy history of this country is full of many shattered hopes. For Sharif, the third term of premiership would not be a smooth sailing because the country at present is abound with insurmountable challenges of different kinds. Among stiffest challenges are: energy crisis, faltering economy, home terrorism, inside and outside security threats, drone attacks, corruption and anarchy. Eradication of corruption and ensuring good governance will not be easy tasks in the presence of a historically stubborn and corrupt bureaucratic-establishment and the absence of any system of national security, network of surveillance and rule of law.  Neither the drone attacks on Pakistan soil will cease nor the home terror from Karachi to North Waziristan seems to go away so long Pakistan remains committed with the United States on War on Terror and so long the in-house al-Qaeda and Taliban are committed to fight against the United States.  Pakistan’s thorny relation with the United States, India, and Afghanistan in the forthcoming days will not be an easy pill to swallow.

Pakistan in Western media
Western media, print and digital, tv’s and satellite technologies see Pakistan as failed state. Several analyses of Pakistan completed before, anticipated the current crisis.  Perhaps the toughest was the view of a group of experts on Pakistan convened by the National Intelligence Council (NIC) in 2000 as part of its projection of global developments in the year 2015. The collective judgment of those experts was that by 2025 the South Asian region’s strategic relations would be defined by the growing gap between India and Pakistan and their seemingly irreducible hostility.  The experts were wary of the possibility of small or large scale conflict.[10]

In 2004 a project by the Center for Strategic and International Studies (CSIS) came to a cautiously optimistic conclusion about Pakistan.[11]  The CSIS study suggests that to have any kind of impact on Pakistan, the United States will have to increase the level of attention and resources that it devotes to South Asia in general and to Pakistan in particular.

“My own study in 2004 concluded that Pakistan may have reached the point of no return along several dimensions and that extreme scenarios were no longer inconceivable.  I gave the establishment dominated systems a fifty-fifty chance of survival but specified no time line, and I also set forth a number of indicators, all of which were blinking bright red by 2006” says Stephen P. Cohen. [12]   
 Tariq Ali’s suggestion to reshape the Pakistani society from top to bottom is also advocated by Islamic orthodox believers and neoconservatives. They talk of controlling the state machinery to transform the state and society along Islamic lines.[13]

Jonathan Paris, an American analyst based in Great Britain, has written the most comprehensive study in the prediction genre, Prospects for Pakistan, published in 2010.[14]  Paris list of challenges contains no surprises. They are : State fragmentation and loss of control over various territories; insecurity and terrorism throughout Pakistan;  the economy;  governance issues, including epidemic of corruption;  civil-military issues; trends in Islamism; the rise of Pashtoon and Baloch nationalism;  rise of Pakistani Taliban; relations with India, China and the United States.  In his summary evaluation, Paris argues that the country will “muddle through” but he notes that the ‘unexpected challenges’ are what make it so difficult to predict even next one to three years in Pakistan.[15]
 Another scenario by the Pakistan’s one of the most distinguished retired generals, was shown at a 2009 Canadian conference on Pakistan’s future.[16]  Lieutenant General Talat Masood, a former secretary in the Ministry of Defense, posited three scenarios—best-case, worst-case, and nuanced—but provided no probability estimate.[17]

Pervez Hoodbhoy, one of Pakistan’s most thoughtful scholars, attempts a five-year projection, warning of the consequences for the country if reform does not happen quickly.[18]  B. Raman, India’s leading Pakistan-watcher and a former intelligence officer, concludes by arguing that India has a stake in the survival of a moderate Pakistan.[19]  Farzana Shaikh, a Pakistani scholar resident in Great Britain, dismisses the rhetoric of  “country on the brink” or “failed state”  arguing that Pakistan’s problems stem from its very origins and that the identity of Pakistan has never been clear nor has a consensus been developed on the purpose of Pakistan.[20]  Bruce Riedel, a former US intelligence analyst with long contact with Pakistan, examines but does not predict an Islamic-militant victory in Pakistan.  He points to Pakistan’s creation of and collusion with militant groups, which he believes has left Islamabad vulnerable to an Islamic coup.[21]  p/290.

R.Schmidt, a US diplomat who served in Islamabad.  He traces Pakistan’s problems to its feudal political culture, in which the wealthy refuse to tax themselves, the parties are arrayed around power families, not ideas; and it matters little who governs, so deep is the decay in Pakistani political institutions.[22]  p/291
 Hasan Abbas, a former Pakistani police officer, now resident in the United States, offers a comprehensive assessment of Pakistani’s multiple crises;  he is more optimistic than Riedel and others about a positive transformation. Noting that Pakistan ranks ninth among 177 of the world’s weakest countries, he says that “the challenges of militancy, weak governance, and economic insecurity are feeding each other in a dangerous cycle, which must be broken if Pakistan is to be saved.”[23] 

 Anatol Lieven expresses little doubt that Pakistan will survive as a state and stresses the great strength of Pakistani society, as opposed to the sometimes incompetent state. His views is one of the most comprehensive overviews of Pakistan yet published. He warns against two trends.  One is environmental degradation, as Pakistan will be hit worse than most if not taken care of its environment.  The other threat that would lead to major changes in Pakistan would be a mutiny with the stable army in case of a US (or joint Indian-US) incursion into Pakistani territory.[24]  Maleeha Lodhi, a distinguished diplomat-journalist, assembled a group of Pakistani scholars and former officials who, in an edited volume present “to do” list that assumes that the present extended crisis can be surmounted.[25] 

Conclusion
While agreeing to some and not agreeing to some, as shown in preceding paragraphs, there are some truth in each one. I think, Pakistan is not a failed state, it is a dysfunctional state.  Its prevailing social and political ills are self-infected.  It is a troubled state that faces the threat of going under, mainly due to internal problems and external pressures.  By virtue of being a nuclear power, it has neither deadly danger of extinction from India nor from the United States, Russia or China. Its nuclear capabilities are a benefit and bane at the same time—a benefit as a shield of enemy’s attack and a bane that it may fall in the hands of home terrorists.   However, it has the potential to overcome those challenges and shape up as a reasonably functional state.  It has a remarkable resilience of changing circumstances. The danger and apprehension of secure and peaceful survival emanates from within the current state of affairs in Pakistan.  However, the nature of current dangers is not as disappointing as it was in its very inception in 1947 and next in 1971, when East Pakistan broke away after Pakistan lost the India-Pakistan war.  Many analysts were not sure that present-day Pakistan could overcome the shock of both military defeat and the loss of East Pakistan and survive as an effectively functioning state.  In the midst of all those concerns, Pakistan managed to surmount the crisis of confidence and put the country on a democratic and constitutional path.

Pakistan is identified as one of the nine pivotal states facing serious internal threats and external challenges.  It could go either way—succeed in coping with its challenges or fail.  In either case, developments in Pakistan have implications beyond its borders, adjoining Kashmir, India and Afghanistan. [26]  However, the possibility of its decline or fragmentation or emerging as a functioning democracy with a middle-level economy depend on its internal determination to address the issues and international support to meet the challenges.  At the present state of affairs, Pakistan seems trying to overcome its current troubled situations, especially national security from home terrorism, economy and energy crises.  Only firm determination of central and provincial government’s lawmakers, all party-leaders with cooperation and sacrifices of the people of the four provinces can change the dwindling condition of Pakistan.

Israr Hasan
14th August, 2013.




[1] Tariq Ali, Can Pakistan Survive? The Death of a State,  Middlesex UK, Penguin Books, 1983 pp/9-10.
[2] Qudratullah Shahab, “Shahab Nama” An Autobiography in Urdu, Sang-e-Meel Publications, 1987; p.301;  (Urdu version translated by the author of this article).
[3] Ibid.  p.302.
[4] K. Sarwar Hasan,  The Transfer of Power; (Pakistan Institute of International Affairs, Karachi, 1966), p.261.
[5] Abul Kalam Azad, India Wins Freedom (Orient Longmans, Calcutta, 1959), p.207.
[6] Shahidur Rahman, “Who Owns Paistan”,  p. 42
[7] Ibid. p. 38
[8] Ibid.p.44
[9] BBC, World (South Asia) (22 June 2000). "Sharif convicted of corruption". BBC.
[10] National Intelligence Council, Global Trends 2015: A Dialogue about the Future with Nongovernment Experts, NIC 2000-2001; Dec. 2000; pp/64-following.
[11] Teresita C. Schaffer, Pakistan’s Futue and US Policy Options (Washington: CSIS Press, 2004).
[12]  Stephen P. Cohen, The Future of Pakistan. Brookings Institution Press, Washington, D.C., 2011, p. 287.
[13] Tariq Ali’s Pakistan: Military Rule or People’s Power; New York, William Morrow, 1970,
[14] Jonathan Paris, Prospects for Pakistan (London: Legatum Institute,  2010) pp.243-44.
[15] S. P. Cohen, Ibid. p.288.
[16] Johannes Baune, Pakistan’s Security: Today and Tomorrow (Ottawa: CSIS, Apr. 2004).
[17] Ibid.
[18] Perves Hoodbhoy, “Whither Pakistan?  A Five-year Forecast,” appreared in Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, June 3, 2009.
[19] B. Raman, “Pakistan: Quo Vadis?”  in his blog, “Ramanstrategicanalysis.blogspot.com”.
[20] Farzana Sheikh, “Making Sense of Pakistan”  London, Hirst, 2009.
[21][21] Bruce Riedel, “Armageddon in Islamabad,”  (National Interest, June 23, 2009); nationalinterest.org/printerfriendly.
[22][22] John R. Schmidt, “The Unraveling of Pakistan”, in Survival: Global Politics and Strategy, June-July 2009, Issue no. 3.
[23] Hasan Abbas, “Pakistan Can Defy the Odds: How to Rescue a Failing State”  Institute for Social Policy and Understanding  (Clinton Township, Mich., May 2009 p/28.
[24] Anatol Lieven, “Pakistan: A Hard Country”, (New York: Public Affairs Press, 2011).
[25] Maleeha Lodhi, “Pakistan: Beyond the ‘Crisis State” (Colombia University Press, 2011).
[26] Robert Chase,  The Pivotal States: A New Framework for US Policy in the Developing World ; (W.W.Norton, New York, 1999); pp. 1-11.

Friday, August 9, 2013

HUNT FOR OSAMA BIN-LADEN


 Questions for Pakistan
There have been so many questions for which Pakistani officials do not have answers.

How could Pakistan's air defense system fail to intercept four incoming helicopters? Why did the US not trust Pakistan to help catch Osama Bin Laden? How come Islamabad failed to find a man living in such an obviously suspicious house? Or did the state help hide him? Is Pakistan a failed state? No? Then is it a rogue state?
Pakistanis are used to journalists asking embarrassing questions. But the death of Osama Bin Laden has broken new ground.  The claim of the country's main intelligence agency, the ISI, that it had been unable to find Bin Laden has dented the image of an organization that has hitherto been beyond public criticism.
The Hunt for Osama
Just a handful of US military and senior officials around President Obama knew of the planned raid. However, within seconds of the arrival of the US helicopters overhead in Abbottabad on Monday, May 2, 2011, shortly after 1:00 am Pak.Std.Time. Their presence was being advertised on Twitter. "Helicopter hovering above Abbotttabad at 1am (is a rare event)," tweeted Sohaib Athar, an IT engineer who lives about 3km from the compound. Eleven minutes later Athar reported: "A huge window-shaking bang here in Abbottabad. I hope it's not the start of something nasty."
 Planning for the raid started late last year. US officials have spoken of how an intercept in late August 2010 of a phone call to a trusted courier of Bin Laden in Pakistan was a breakthrough that led to the raid. The call was made to Abu Ahmed al-Kuwaiti, a man the US had been seeking for years as part of the decade long hunt for Bin Laden. US officials had learnt of his identity from interrogations of detainees in Guantanamo. Armed with the mobile phone number, the US was able to track him to the compound in Abbottabad.
 According to neighbours who spoke to the BBC, the occupants rarely went out and when they did so - in either a red Suzuki jeep or van - they passed through security doors that closed immediately afterwards.
US intelligence soon began an intensive period of surveillance. While satellites watched from the sky a CIA safe house was set up nearby. From this safe house, agents were able to observe the comings and goings from the compound in order to establish a "pattern of life" at the building. Some details of how they tried to obtain key information about the building have emerged.
The CIA also employed a sophisticated stealth drone that could float high above the compound without detection by the Pakistani authorities. With its distinctive bat-winged shape, the Sentinel is capable of flying undetected at high altitude taking photographs and sending real-time video. The aircraft can also capture images shot at an angle. This has the advantage of not flying directly over its target.
Despite the presence on the ground and observation from the sky, the CIA was still unable to positively identify Bin Laden as the man often spotted often walking up and down outside the house. Agents dubbed him "the pacer".
 According to a detailed account of the lead-up to the raid in the Washington Post, US officials were "stunned to realise that whenever Kuwaiti or others left to make a call, they drove for 90 minutes before placing" a battery in a mobile phone.
The raid
In the end, after months of investigation, the US had no conclusive proof of Osama’s presence in the compound. Any raid on the building was still a 55/45 situation, President Obama declared.
Nevertheless, 2nd  May 2011 presented a moonless night on which to mount the raid. The President formally gave the go-ahead on the morning of Friday, Apr.29. Five aircraft flew two teams of Navy Seals from a US base in Jalalabad, Afghanistan, into Pakistan.  The two other aircraft, specially adapted Black Hawk helicopters, flew on to Abbottabad. On board, were 23 Seals, a translator and a tracking dog called Cairo. Three of the Seals were specifically tasked to seek out Bin Laden.
After the shooting, one of the soldiers radioed his commanders: "Geronimo EKIA". In the cold military jargon, "EKIA" (Enemy killed in action) signaled that the team had killed their target.
Pakistan was not tipped off in advance about the raid although a Pakistani Intelligence official told the BBC that once US helicopters entered Pakistan air space the US officials told their counterparts that an operation was under way against "a high value target". They were not told the target was Osama Bin Laden. This ultimately led to the jets being called back.
From there Bin Laden's body was flown to the USS Carl Vinson, a US aircraft carrier in the north Arabian Sea, where Bin Laden was prepared for burial. A White House spokesman said the corpse was prepared for burial "in conformance with Islamic precepts and practice", then placed in a weighted bag and dropped into the water from the vessel's deck.
(Source: 6 May 2011).





Thursday, August 1, 2013

MAGICS OF PAKISTAN POLITICS!

 Dear Diary, today is the 91st day of my prime ministership. Time magazine has declared me ‘Person of the Year’, Foreign Policy calls me “Pakistan’s Nostradamus”, and Newsweek wishes I could run for the presidency of the US.
All in due time, I told Newsweek. But I am happy that, at the prime of my political career, the world has finally recognized the awesomeness that is me.

“How would you now finish corruption and terrorism in 90 days?” they asked. “Are you going to do a military operation in Waziristan?” A resounding NO was my reply, dear Diary, because only fake liberals support military operations and I am the only real liberal in this country; Masha Allah (God willing).  But let me tell you, dear Diary, the Tiger of Mianwali was actually a little worried. Even though I knew that I can never be wrong. I mean, if Imran Khan has said that the Taliban would be taken care of in 90 days, then they will be taken care of in 90 days. After all, who can forget that it was I who had predicted Pakistan’s win in the 1992 World Cup?

One day, as I was contemplating my options, an owl came out of nowhere and landed on my shoulder. Yes, dear Diary, an owl! But this was no ordinary owl. This one had flown all the way from Hogwarts and was carrying a message.
‘Harry Potter wants to meet me’.

The following day Harry arrived in Bani Gala, riding a broomstick (not kidding)! He told me that during the Tri-wizard Tournament, when he was listening to the golden egg underwater, he had actually heard the song  “Dil nek ho, Niyat saaf, To ho insaf, Kahe Imraaaan Khan!!” (Only a clean heart and pious intentions can do justice, says Irman Khan). 

The next week we called a huge press conference. Well, ‘huge’ would be an understatement, dear Diary, as it was not a press conference, but a press tsunami. Well not even a tsunami; I would rather call it a TSUNAMA! From Roznama Surkhab to The New York Times to the Daily Prophet, everyone was there. The seating arrangement for the Tsunama conference raised a lot of suspense — we had placed the journalists in the middle, while a huge fenced enclosure was erected to their left, and a dozen empty shipping containers were parked to their right.

I initiated the proceedings and officially asked Harry to rid Pakistan of terrorism. In response, Harry took out his wand and shouted, “Accio Taliban! Bad ones only!”  Suddenly the Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) started dropping from the sky and into the fenced enclosure. The army jawans surrounding the fence shouted ‘Hands up!’, and thus the formidable TTP was taken into custody without even a single bullet being fired…!

I then asked Harry to help return the billions looted by corrupt politicians. Again Harry waved his wand and shouted, “Accio Swiss Accounts! Politicians only!” And suddenly the parked containers became full with dollars. They say Zardari was watching it live and had a heart attack when he saw that. I pray for his recovery.

With this done, Harry broke his wand into two and embraced Islam at the hands of Junaid Jamshed. He has been renamed Haris Puttar and is now a member of the Tableeghi Jamaat as well as the PTI.

And this is how I fulfilled my promise to eliminate corruption and terrorism from Pakistan within 90 days.

But that’s not the end, dear Diary, as there are drones to deal with as well. Luckily Superman has also joined our cause. Apparently when he was flying by the moon he heard the chant “Kaun bachaae ga, Pakistan? (trans. Who will save Pakistan?) Imraaan Khan!!  Imraaan Khan!!” He said he wants to help us take down the drones. Let’s see how that one goes.

HERALD, Journal  Observations,  April 10, 2013.
http://herald.dawn.com/2013/04/10/journal-observations; accessed Aug.1, 2013.